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cat: places paw tentatively on boob
cat: presses paw down on boob
cat: slowly, agonizingly walks across boobs
making fun of girls for having “daddy issues” is literally the most illogically cruel thing i can think of haha “hey you! your dad sucked! i bet that really impacted your life and the way you form relationships with other people lmfao fuckin loser”
WHY YOU SHOULD DRINK A SHITLOAD OF WATER DAILY
Your brain is your biggest liquid asset. It is composed of more than 85 percent water. Little wonder then that if you are dehydrated, your thinking ability drops dramatically, as does the performance of your whole body.
● Water is 2nd only to oxygen in survival. A body can live for minutes without oxygen, for a few days without water, and several weeks without food.
● The human body is 60% water, blood is 90% water, muscles are 75% water, and bone is 25% water. Water is one of the main structures of the body. Drain your body of water you’ll be left with a few pounds of chemicals that are worth about $5 you guys!
●Your brain is 1/50 of your total body weight, but it receives 20% of the blood circulation, so 1/5 of your body’s water requirements come from your brain.
●Water balances and regulates almost every other system in the body — temperature regulation, digestion, and waste excretion. You cannot eliminate toxins from your body with insufficient water.
●Most headaches and feelings of fatigue are caused by dehydration.
●You lose about 10 cups of fluid each day in sweat, urine, and bowel movements. Even the air you exhale contains vital water vapor.
●If you wait until you are thirsty to drink, you are already dehydrated. Unlike hunger, thirst is a bad sign.
●Drinks that contain caffeine (colas and coffee) are diuretics, which means they lessen the body’s ability to absorb and retain water — they rob the body of water.
●It is the most time efficient way of improving your mood and overall performance. It takes seconds to drink a glass of water, but the benefits last for hours.
●Combined with a healthy lifestyle, drinking water increases weight loss.”
Tagged: #stay hydrated
Don’t call yourself ugly around me because I will agree witcho dramatic ass 100%
things girls do that I love:
- offer their friends sips of their coffee drinks without being asked
- scratch each others back
- say things like “smell this lotion I bought this weekend”
- compliment each other’s eyebrows
- that thing when they agree with you and their eyes get really wide and they nod their head solemnly
- throw out each others gum wrappers or chip bags when they get up
One: Buy condoms. Buy them and keep them with you at all times, and use them before you are asked to use them. And use them every time. The peace of mind you allow your partner will free her to be vulnerable with you, and that, my son, is exactly what sex is about. Condoms are sexy. In fact, call buying condoms foreplay.
(Footnote: If you are too embarrassed to buy condoms, you are not ready to have sex.)
Two: Kissing is not merely foreplay. Spend entire evenings making out on the couch while fully clothed. Believe me, dry-humping rocks.
Three: Sex is not just about friction. It’s about emotion. Stop trying to find her clitoris and find her heart. Because then she’ll help you find her clitoris.
Four: If you really wanna know how to please a woman, ask her how she masturbates. Then do that. A lot. If she claims she doesn’t masturbate, offer to take her shopping for a vibrator so you can both learn the vocabulary of her body together.
Five: Don’t put anything in her butthole you wouldn’t want in your own.
(Footnote: Try a pinky finger, it’s kinda awesome.)
Six: When you go down on her - and you will go down on her, and if you are my son, you will be amazing at it - tell her how good she tastes. Stop in the middle and kiss her deeply so she knows how good she tastes. Do the same when she goes down on you.
Seven: A simple Google search will yield 1,327 euphemisms for male masturbation, yet only 23 for female masturbation. If guys spent less time jacking off and more time jilling off, this world would be a happier place.
Eight: Everything you need to know about the importance of the clitoris is in the movie Star Wars. You are Luke Skywalker piloting your penis-shaped X-Wing Fighter deep inside her trench. Remember: seventy percent of all Death Stars cannot be blown up through penetration of the trench alone. It must be through focused contact with that little exhaust port at the top of the trench. Otherwise, any explosions you experience will be merely Hollywood special effects.
Nine: Just because you come doesn’t mean she has, so don’t you dare come before her. Focus completely on your partner. Don’t worry about gettin’ yours, you’re a guy. You always get yours. Your job is to make sure she’s gettin’ hers.
Ten: If sex with your partner lasts no longer than this poem, you are not making love. You are masturbating with her body instead of your hand. Shame on you. Go back to step one. You’ve got a lot of learning to do.
Big Poppa E, How to Make Love (via nudelip)
“Start now. Start where you are. Start with fear. Start with pain. Start with doubt. Start with hands shaking. Start with voice trembling but start. Start and don’t stop. Start where you are, with what you have. Just … start.”
Ijeoma Umebinyuo (via studentsoup)
*teacher hands you test*
“sorry I’m not interested”
Your fave is problematic: Santa Claus
- illegal parking